Geography Fail

Aila:"You're going to Atlanta? Isn't that super cold and snowy?" 

Dad: "Um, that's Antarctica."

Pain

"Pain is all in your head. And sometimes in your foot."

Similar....but not really

"Aila...I think you mean you need a FUNNEL...not a URINAL."

That's not a good name

"When I have kids, they should call Daddy a name that combines  'Grandpa' and the Dutch name 'Opa'. 

How about 'Gropa'!!?? "

Um, no. 

Shortest Ever!

*during a warm spell in Decemeber*
"Wow! That was the shortest winter ever!!!!"

Out think? Or....

"Tooting is my super power... I can out-stink my enemies."

Pot. Kettle. Black

"Don't get me wrong....I love you and all, Mommy...but you're crazy."

That's kinda weird

I'm thinking of adding a new letter to the alphabet. It will be called "nasal".

Ugly Teachers

"Mommy, I bet that the reason you had so many piano students when you taught music was because you were so good-looking. I'll bet ugly teachers have a hard time getting students." 

Bad influences

"Mommy! I just heard you say the word 'ass'."

*stern look* 

"Have you been hanging around GANGSTERS?"

The Elderly

*sigh* "Why are all the best things made for the elderly?!?"

Too Full

*after answering her question as to "why things are cheaper at Walmart than other places" with great economic detail

"Wow. That was a long answer. I think you'll need to stop talking now. My brain feels like overstuffed drawers."

You'd be a millionaire

"I wish there was a machine that could make you think like me."

Fun words

"I just really love saying the word 'constipated'."

Just don't.

Aila, please don't refer to yourself as "Aila-licious"

Thirsty

"Mommy, I'm too thirsty to laugh at your jokes right now/"

Florida

"Aila, it is pronounced Naples, Florida… not 'Nipples', Florida"

Teenagers

"You gotta really keep an eye on teenagers...you NEVER know what they're up to. (Trust me...I watch a lot of TV)"

Zombie

"Daddy, I didn't say you LOOK like a fat zombie, only that you WALK like one."

Eggs

"Did you know that only eggs from the USA and Canada need to be refrigerate? Those Europeans: They sure know what they're doing!"

Curse Words

"No, Aila...'denim' is not a curse word"

You're safe

"You don't have to be afraid of a Sasquatch…they're shy and they only eat people on special occasions."

Natural Talent

"BURRRRRPPPP!!! And I've never had a lesson!"

Not likely

"What kinda stuff will this new baby Prince do? Like, will he visit my school?"

A New Prince

"George? They named him GEORGE? Sounds like a jungle name."

Quarters and loonies

"Daddy, can I hold that change you have?  I like the rich feeling I get inside when I hold a pile of money!" (we all feel that way, darlin!)

After learning about 'generations'

"Um, no Aila. I'm not going to refer to you as 'Aila the First'."

More than once a day

"When I turn 40, can I say the word "crap" as many times a day as I want?"

Just like you

*while talking to her Dad*

"Parts of my personality are like Mommy, and parts of me are like you. Like, when I don't 'get' a joke…that's from you, right Daddy?"

Trying out newly learned words

If you look up the word "astonishing" in the dictionary… I'll bet it will show a picture of you, Daddy!

more trust issues

At IKEA 

Mom:"Aila, isn't this bedding cool?"
Aila: "No. I don't trust IKEA. I'll bet it's secretly covered in bad words"

interesting rating system

"I rate that movie 78 out of 107"

she's so polite!

"It's not nice to call someone old. I prefer to call them 'past-a-kid's-age'"

That just sounds wrong

"That bus has a really big gas-hole"

(she meant the exhaust pipe!)

so far so good

"So Mommy....how's your first day of being 39 going so far?"

Move over, Mom!

"I've decided what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a book designer like you, Mommy. Oh...by the way, you're gonna need a bigger office if I'm gonna fit my desk in here..."

Ready for my close up...

"I think I'd like to be a kid-actor. Now...how long will it be till I get my own show?"

When you just need to be alone...

"Aila...the term is 'me-time' not 'meat-time'."

Christmas lists

I'm gonna give you 3 lists for Christmas:

1) things I DON'T want for Christmas
2) things I want but know I'll never get and
3) things I want that I think you'll go for

Hair

*sigh* Oh Daddy...I wish we were rich so we could afford to grow you some hair

Jerky

"If you eat too much beef jerky, will you get drunk?"

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse...

Aila: "This is the worse day EVER!"
Me: "Why's that?"
Aila: Well...first, my teacher is moving classes, and I really loved her!
Second, I'm pretty sure I broke up with my boyfriend....
And third, I think I'm coming down with leprosy!!!"

He's not singing

That guy isn't really singing...he's lip-sticking.

Camera-ready

*While holding a video camera*

"Do you think you and Daddy can have an argument? There's nothing I like videoing more than a good argument!!!"

Art lover

Daddy, who painted the "Momma Lisa"?

In the grocery store

"Eweee....these vegetables smell like a pioneer outhouse!"

That was Expensive

Aila is prone to breaking down in tears over pretty much anything. So when the time came for her big sister (age 12) to babysit her for the first time, there was some concern that Aila would start 'freaking out' (as Anneka put it) and that in turn would freak Anneka out...not knowing what to do with a very emotional little sister.

The solution was simple.

We paid Anneka to babysit.
and we paid Aila not to cry (and to behave).

It worked.

(ps...we no longer pay either child)

Ye royal Parts

*Aila was watching TV, and as Jason walked by he gently squeezed her foot*

Aila: "Hey! Hands off the royal feet!"

NOT alcohol

*while trying to remember the word 'melatonin' for a grocery list*

Yvonne: "Jason, what's the name of that stuff that helps me fall asleep?"
Aila: "Alcohol?"


(note: I don't drink because when I do, it makes me fall asleep!)

Showers

"The best part about taking a shower is that the steam loosens up all my boogers!"